clutch

clutch...

i am ready…

today.  was just like any other day.  

but i sense…  something is happening.

i can feel it. 

something beyond my control. 

i have felt it for quite some time now. 

but it’s growing stronger.

something i cannot quite put my finger on.   i wish i could, but that has proven to be impossible despite my most concerted efforts.  something is happening.

it is – as yet – invisible. 

but i can feel it. 

it is happening to me. 

i am fearless.  i like it. 

i would embrace it more should it make its presence a little more explicit…

because i can almost taste it.  it’s so close now.

i can almost hear its heartbeat.

i can almost feel its breath – hot and sweet – upon my neck. 

it is encircling me. drawing in close, then pulling away.  touching, teasing me with its long and bony fingers. 

and i sometimes hear it.  it wakes me up at night.  whispering to me.  beckoning me.  i can feel its mouth on mine.  

i fucking want it. 

i need it.  but it is just out of reach –

despite my awkward fumblings and grappling. 

i am not tentative.  i am open and receptive to it.  i cannot switch it off.  i couldn’t switch it off – even if i wanted to.  i cannot turn away.  it’s just there. and it has me in its clutches.

it waits.

it feels warm and resplendent and right in front of me – screaming in my face but i cannot see it.  it is invisible.

i sense it.  it is close.   it seems to be upon me, around me. surrounding me.  flickering inside me. like a flame or tongue…

i can sense its urgency.  i can feel its growing impatience and desire.  i can sense its hunger. 

i feel hunted.  but i am fearless.  i want this beast to devour me.  consume me.  overwhelm and overpower me. 

i wish it would fucking pin me to the ground and devour me.  reveal itself to me.  this.

this. 

this thing… this beast…

this invisible force that beckons and whispers.  that touches and awakens.  that holds me in its clutches and irrefutably sends my head in a spin….

this thing.  this force.  this feeling.  i want it.  i crave it. 

i feel it clawing at my thighs, my stomach, my back… i feel it pull my hair and bite into my neck, my breast.  rabid.  fervent.  with relentless urgency.

i feel it.

i want more.

it doesn’t scare me.

it doesn’t scare me because

because…

i am ready.

(c) kat mcdonald 2010

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