suckerpunch

stage one:  the splitting of the skull.

IMG_3381

[“fuck!” ]

wak! wak! wak! thlump! twang! twang! thlump! twang! twang! rustling… gentle rustling… grapple and scratch. gush! splash! whatcha! whatcha! watcha! watcha!  spit. splash. spit. splash. rustle. rumble! bubble. bubble. hiss! tinkle! tinkle! tinkle! zip! zip! rattle! bang! hum! whistle! zoom! zoom! zoom! rumble! rumble! BEEP! BEEP! stomp! click! click! click! “Good morning!” screech! whine! engines groan. rumble! babble… babble… babble… rabble of babble… whine! groan! Tsssssssssssssssssssss! crunch! creak! domp! bang! groan! hum! zoom! zoom! zoom! whistle! sing…. domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! “morning!” “what a glorious day, eh?” domp! domp! domp! rattle! unlock. shlock! click! illuminate. click! click! click! tick! power on. hum! hum! hum! rustle, creak and tomp! click! click! type. enter. open. click! clickety-click! click! click! clickety-clickety-click! click! sigh. wait. click! click! bubble. bubble. bubble. click. scrape and stirr. slurp. gulp!  tomp! click! click! sigh. beep! print. beep! print! click! click! click! domp! domp! rustle and snatch. domp! domp! flippety! flopp! tomp! zarp! zarp! zarp! zip! thump! tear! rub! domp! domp! domp! click. beep! print. zip! zip! zip! rustle and thump! creak and tomp! click! click! type. enter. open. click! clickety-click! click! click! clickety-clickety-click! click! sigh. wait. click! click! bubble. bubble. bubble. click. scrape and stirr. slurp. gulp!  tomp! click! click! sigh. beep! print. beep! print! click! click! click! domp! domp! rustle and snatch. domp! domp! flippety! flopp! tomp! zarp! zarp! zarp! zip! thump! tear! rub! domp! domp! domp! click. beep! print. zip! zip! zip! rustle and thump! creak and tomp! click! click! type. enter. open. click! clickety-click! click! click! clickety-clickety-click! click! sigh. wait. click! click! bubble. bubble. bubble. click. scrape and stirr. slurp. gulp!  tomp! click! click! sigh. beep! print. beep! print! click! click! click! domp! domp! rustle and snatch. domp! domp! flippety! flopp! tomp! zarp! zarp! zarp! zip! thump! tear! rub! domp! domp! domp! click. beep! print. zip! zip! zip! rustle and thump! creak and tomp! click! click! type. enter. open. click! clickety-click! click! click! clickety-clickety-click! click! sigh. wait. click! click! bubble. bubble. bubble. click. scrape and stirr. slurp. gulp!  tomp! click! click! sigh. beep! print. beep! print! click! click! click! domp! domp! rustle and snatch. domp! domp! flippety! flopp! tomp! zarp! zarp! zarp! zip! thump! tear! rub! domp! domp! domp! click. beep! print. zip! zip! zip! rustle and thump! domp! domp! babble. babble. babble. babble. ring! ring! ring! “hello, how can i help you?” conversations. conversations. conversations. talking. talking. talking. talking. click. velvet underground. white light. white heat. run. run. run. sing. domp! creak and tomp! click! click! type. enter. open. click! clickety-click! click! click! clickety-clickety-click! click! sigh. wait. click! click! bubble. bubble. bubble. click. scrape and stirr. slurp. gulp!  tomp! click! click! sigh. beep! print. beep! print! click! click! click! domp! domp! rustle and snatch. domp! domp! flippety! flopp! tomp! zarp! zarp! zarp! zip! thump! tear! rub! domp! domp! domp! click. beep! print. zip! zip! zip! rustle and thump! creak and tomp! click! click! type. enter. open. click! clickety-click! click! click! clickety-clickety-click! click! sigh. wait. click! click! bubble. bubble. bubble. click. scrape and stirr. slurp. gulp!  tomp! click! click! sigh. beep! print. beep! print! click! click! click! domp! domp! rustle and snatch. domp! domp! flippety! flopp! tomp! zarp! zarp! zarp! zip! thump! tear! rub! domp! domp! domp! click. beep! print. zip! zip! zip! rustle and thump! rattle and spit. scratch and burn. sniff. stink. bubble! bubble! bubble and boil. click. plop-glop-glop glop plorp!  gulp. sigh. talk. talk. laugh. ring! ring! “he’s not here at the moment, can i take a message?” “tell him Carmen phoned…” talk. talk. thump. zip! zip! zip! click click click. text. rumble. thomp. stomp. stamp. stamp. stamp. splosh. drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrill. drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrill. drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrill. ring. ring. tinitus. ring. ring. pop. gulp. swallow. pills. skull is splitting. spit. talk. talk. zip! zip! drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrill. drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrill. drrrrrrrrrrrrill. one hour. drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrill. drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrill. zip! zip! zip! zip! clatter. “oh fuck, it’s collapsed!” gubble. gubble. gubble. wipe. swipe. sweat. “jesus!” sigh. tomp! click! click! type. enter. open. click! clickety-click! click! click! clickety-clickety-click! click! sigh. wait. click! click! bubble. bubble. bubble. click. scrape and stirr. slurp. gulp!  tomp! click! click! sigh. beep! print. beep! print! click! click! click! domp! domp! rustle and snatch. domp! domp! flippety! flopp! tomp! zarp! zarp! zarp! zip! thump! tear! rub! domp! domp! domp! click. beep! print. zip! zip! zip! rustle and thump! creak and tomp! click! click! type. enter. open. click! clickety-click! click! click! clickety-clickety-click! click! sigh. wait. click! click! bubble. bubble. bubble. click. scrape and stirr. slurp. gulp!  tomp! click! click! sigh. beep! print. beep! print! click! click! click! domp! domp! rustle and snatch. domp! domp! flippety! flopp! tomp! zarp! zarp! zarp! zip! thump! tear! rub! domp! domp! domp! click. beep! print. zip! zip! zip! rustle and thump! creak and tomp! click! click! type. enter. open. click! clickety-click! click! click! clickety-clickety-click! click! sigh. wait. click! click! bubble. bubble. bubble. click. scrape and stirr. slurp. gulp!  tomp! click! click! sigh. beep! print. beep! print! click! click! click! domp! domp! rustle and snatch. domp! domp! flippety! flopp! tomp! zarp! zarp! zarp! zip! thump! tear! rub! domp! domp! domp! click. beep! print. zip! zip! zip! rustle and thump! domp! domp! babble. babble. babble. babble. ring! ring! ring! “hello, how can i help you?” conversations. conversations. conversations. talking. talking. talking. talking. click. david bowie. “is there life on Mars?” sing. domp! creak and tomp! click! click! type. enter. open. click! clickety-click! click! click! clickety-clickety-click! click! sigh. wait. click! click! bubble. bubble. bubble. click. scrape and stirr. slurp. gulp! zump! power down. rustle. zip! click. click. click. clack-cluck. zip. laugh. talk. talk. talk. domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! zoom! zoom! hum! traffic. beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep! traffic. shtoooooooooooooooooooooooft. domp! tomp!  babble. babble. babble. tsk. tsk. tsk. headphones. tsk. tsk-tsk. tsk tsk-tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk! beats. boaf! boaf! bosh! groan. rumble. shtoooooooooooooooooooft. domp! domp! domp! “do you mind if i sit here?” [i do, actually….] shtoooooooooooooooooooooooft. domp! tomp!  babble. babble. babble. tsk. tsk. tsk. headphones. tsk. tsk-tsk. tsk tsk-tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk! beats. boaf! boaf! bosh! groan. rumble. shtoooooooooooooooooooft. domp! domp! domp! rumble! groan! screech! fan-belt. stompt! tomp!  babble. babble. babble. tomp!  babble. babble. babble. rumble! roar! groan! whine and screech. [i need wine!] babble. babble. babble. babble. babble. babble. babble.  “excuse me, please” babble. babble. babble. babble. babble. babble [i fucking hate people] babble. babble. babble. “do you mind if i ask you a few questions, who is your electricity supplier?” [fuck off!] domp! babble. domp! babble. domp! babble. domp! babble. “hello mum!” [smile] domp! babble. domp! shuffle. shuffle. shuffle. “let’s go for something to eat!” [i am ravenous] domp! shuffle. babble. domp! shuffle. babble. laugh. zoom! beep! creak. thump! babble. clink. babble. clink. babble. slur. babble slur. clink. clink. clink. clink. clink. babble. babble. [louder and louder] drones. babble. babble. babble. babble. slur. clink. slur. clink. “awright darlin’?” [“get fucked!”] scowl. sigh. clink. chi-ching! sit. rustle. talk. [food]. slurp. slurp. chomp! chomp! chomp! chomp! snap! chomp! snap! slurp! [i wanna punch her] chomp! slurp! chomp! slurp! speak! spray! spit. [sickened] chomp! laugh! chomp! spit. slurp. clink. babble. slurp. clink. tinkle. gulp and swallow! gulp and swallow! gulp and swallow. slurp. clink! sssssssssssssssssssft. stir. clink. clink. burp. burp. clink. babble. babble. babble. babble. slurp. clink! rustle. [exit]. domp! domp! domp! laugh. laugh. domp! hum! traffic. hum! babble. babble. babble. strangers. babble. babble. creak. slam! jump! slirp! beep! “welcome to Bingo 3000 – you can buy a dabber at the bar” shuffle. laugh. shuffle. giggle. red 51. yellow 23. white 86. blue 90.  shuffle. shuffle. babble. babble. babble. babble. shuffle. rustle. sit. [bar, where is it?] domp! domp! domp! creak. “hello!” creak. vooooooooooooooom! creak. slam. piss. whipe! flush! creak. thump! splash, squidge, splash. gush. gush. gush. vooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom! voooooooooooooooooooooooooom! [hand dryer vortex] creak. domp! domp! domp! “glass of merlot please?” “large or small?” “best make it a large one!” “that’ll be £2.60” “can i get a couple of dabbers too?” “what colours?” “one pink, one green please””that’ll be £4.40” “there you go, thank you” domp! domp! sip! domp! domp! thump! babble. babble babble. babble.  red 58. red 9. white 88. blue 23. yellow 33. red 81.  white…. “RIGH!”  “checking… blah blah fucking blah” [sit] conversations. conversations. conversations. “you got any paracetamol?” “yes! do you want some?” “yes… thank you” pop. pop. gulp [wine] and swallow.  white 73. green 44.  white 67.  white 18. blue 55. yellow 69 [that sounds nice…] green 11. yellow 66. blue 39. blue 37… babble babble babble.  [no luck] shuffle. shuffle rustle and swallow. clank. shuffle. shuffle. domp! domp! shuffle. shuffle. shuffle. “can you take this young lady home please?” [helps mother into taxi]. domp! domp! domp! domp! domp! ting! email. Monsanto. [evil] domp! domp! creak. groan. rumble. shtooooooooooooooooooooooft! domp! domp!  “Kirkcaldy bus station please” stomp. stomp. domp. thump. thump. babble. babble. babble. babble. tsk. tsk. tsk. tsk. tsk [too much treble] tsk! tsk! tsk-tsk-tsk! tsk! rumble. groan. whine. engine.  shtoooooooooooooooooft. domp! domp! ding! ding! ding! ding! ding! ding! ding! ding! ding! ding! domp. domp-domp. domp. domp-domp-domp. domp. sing. “taxi!!” elvis presley. status quo. radio static. kichhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. “aye, can you go tae 54 Balsusney….” kichhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh “aye, just dropping at….” kichhhhhhhhhhhhhh “be light in five” kichhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh “that’ll be £5.40” “thank you” crlump! domp! domp! domp! click. rattle. creak. clunk. rustle…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  SILENCE.

 

part two:  the suckerpunch.

IMG_2774

what’s that sound? that pale resound and echo? it is a sound so loud it splits the skull, leaving only cravings of thoughts. words lie, fractured, in beautiful disarray.  that sound… it makes my ears bleed, with gratitude. it is deafening. it is Silence. she has returned on a white stallion. is she real or allusion?  humbled, thoughts tumble – like circus acrobats. the mind, liberated by broken bone, flies wild – like the trapeze girl of my childhood dream, sequinned and shimmering. brilliant and beautiful, but out of control. from past imperfect, she swings to and fro, to the present… tense.

relax… release the butterflies.  watch them flutter into the shadows.

1… 2… 3…

but that sound… that all-consuming sound, the song of Silence. she is a violent, ethereal symphony. she whispers and wisps around me, going down on me then SMACK!

she is both puckered kiss and suckerpunch.

the black horse of night arrives and i climb upon its broad bare back. i hold on, my arms around its neck. i feel its heart beat and ride. ride out across the boneyard of this day. today. my face in withers, my bare feet in the stifle and flank. i hold on.  Silence is closing in, she snaps like a whip.  CRACK!  i hold on as we gallop across the sand and salt of a dry Pacific, a dead ocean bed of the skeletons of the thought and memories of this day. today seems far behind as the fetlock and flint set fire to a new yesterday. sparks fly off into tomorrow.   i dig in my heels and we race… as i break the barrier, i become that sound…

(c) Kat McDonald 2016

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “suckerpunch

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s