i remember, as a child
a child
is born into this world
fearless, knowing
yet blissfully unaware.
i remember, as a child,
scribbling my dreams
on a kite.
a kite
of pretty colours –
red and blue
yellow and green,
dancing on a breeze.
i remember, as a child,
watching my dreams
flying high,
soaring with romantic notion,
as i held on tight to its tail.
my tiny hands, frozen,
clasping the threads;
holding on so tightly
i was so scared of letting go.
my fingers, red,
as the threads
knotted and tightened their grip,
cutting into the soft
impressionable flesh.
little fingers, red.
little hands, sorely determined
to keep the dreams alive.
if i let go, i lose myself and who i am
forever…
so i held on tight
to these romantic notions.
foolish childhood notions of mysterious lovers,
mysterious places,
unravelling like a kite, and travelling across the bluest of oceans,
like the span of the sky above me – limitless and clear
with no clouds to cloud my judgement.
i remember, as a child,
standing
small beneath the sky
gazing upward.
eyes big and wide and full of wonder.
my kite, my dreams
tethered to my tiny, cold and blood red hands
i was scared to let go –
for fear of losing all i held dear.
the kite, the dreams tethered to me.
tethered like me
to the ground where i stood
fixated on my dreams;
tethered – like a bird
flapping, and desperate to fly.
i was scared to loosen my grip;
to let go, for fear
that all i held dear
would disappear from me.
but let go i did.
with clouds in my eyes i watched
my kite, my dreams
come crashing down and break apart.
my kite was broken.
my dreams, in tatters, lay broken on the ground.
and so, with a heavy heart,
i buried my kite
and laid my foolish romantic notions to rest.
yesterday,
and twenty seven summers later,
i bought a kite.
a kite, bright and full of colour.
a kite with a long tail to tell,
hopeful and pretty.
i took her
out into the open,
to find her breeze.
i took her
out into the open
and on her skin, i wrote my dreams.
*sigh*
i took a deep breath
and slowly let go…
i set her free.
she took to the open sky like a bird.
sensing her urgency to fly
i let the threads slip through my fingers.
i loosened my grip, biting back tears
as i felt her bite back and snap at the breeze… at me.
but her tail is tangle-free
she is strong –
but the wind is stronger.
changing direction like my next breath.
she dips
as if glancing back at me
for reassurance?
i watch her struggle as i grapple with the threads,
trying to keep her happy.
but she soars
with grace and stoicism.
oh my heart feels heavy –
for in my hands i hold her future.
it’s time to let go.
i watch with clouded vision
as she dances away with my dreams
higher and higher
and out of reach.
she does not look back.
what will become of my dreams,
my hopes, my notions
now that i no longer have control?
what will become of my dreams,
my hopes and notions now that i no longer hold the threads that bind?
i am not scared
because i am ready.
throw your dreams to the wind, like a kite,
because sometimes…
sometimes… they take flight.
Image and Words (c) Kat McDonald
Inner Focus 